Remaking a classic horror movie is a fool’s errand. Just ask Gus Van Sant, who faced a critical firestorm for his shot-for-shot remake of “...

Remaking a classic horror movie is a fool’s errand.

Just ask Gus Van Sant, who faced a critical firestorm for his shot-for-shot remake of “Psycho.” Rob Zombie’s “Halloween” do-over deserved every negative adjective hurled at it.

For every successful makeover – 1988’s “The Blob” – we get duds like “The Omen” and “Child’s Play.”

The 2003 update on “Texas Chainsaw Massacre” didn’t make anyone forget the original shocker. Critics weren’t too kind to the remake, either, giving it a horrific 37 percent “rotten” score at Rotten Tomatoes.

The film may have been unnecessary on paper, but it still delivers what horror fans crave. Terror. Fear. Chainsaws. And a scrappy, relentless “final girl.”

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That honor fell to Jessica Biel, a then-rising star eager to scream in the grand horror movie tradition. She plays Erin, one of a small group of friends who pick up the wrong hitchhiker en route to a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert.

Didn’t they watch the original film?

The friends find themselves at a creepy home off the main road, a dwelling where unspeakable horrors await them.

You know what happens next, but director Marcus Nispel frames it for maximum impact. Nispel can’t outdo the original or recreate the sense of unease it delivered to the movie-going public. So he created a thrill ride with Biel guiding the way.

It’s hardly an actor’s showcase, but the future star knows exactly what the genre demands.

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The 2003 version also offers R. Lee Ermey doing what he does best as a dastardly law man – chewing all the scenery he can. The supporting players include a solid Eric Balfour and the typically intense Jonathan Tucker.

Biel was kind enough to share her audition reel for the film with her Instagram followers.

 

 
 
 
 
 
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31 Days of Horror:

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We missed Alexander Payne movies. Remember “About Schmidt?” “Sideways?” “The Descendants?” “Nebraska?” Smart. Provocative. Adult. Comical....

We missed Alexander Payne movies.

Remember “About Schmidt?” “Sideways?” “The Descendants?” “Nebraska?”

Smart. Provocative. Adult. Comical. Wise.

He swung and missed so hard his helmet came flying off with 2017’s “Downsizing,” but he’s back in fine form with “The Holdovers.” It’s not his best work, and the story threatens to obsess over class envy in ways that evoke “Downsizing’s” lectures.

It’s still a sturdy tale brimming with love, loss and redemption.

Yes, please.

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Paul Giamatti plays Paul Hunham, a teacher at a prestigious boarding school circa 1970. He’s a by-the-book type who instills fear and loathing in his pupils, and he knows it.

Paul gets the unenviable task of watching after the “holdovers,” the students who have nowhere to go over the Christmas holiday stretch. That includes Angus Tully (Dominic Sessa), a boy with a knack for getting himself kicked out of boarding schools.

The two make a strained couple, at best, but the presence of school cook Mary Lamb (Da’Vine Joy Randolph) offers some relief. She’s a kindly soul mourning the loss of a son who gave his life in the Vietnam War.

The unlikely trio stares down a somber holiday without loved ones to nurse their emotional wounds.

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Paul’s entire life is wrapped up in the New England school, and even the presence of a comely colleague (Carrie Preston) can’t shake that bond.

Angus seethes over his mother spending Christmas with her new beau, not him.

Mary’s wounds will never heal, but she’s proud enough to keep her values even in the worst of times.

“The Holdovers” is quietly hilarious, with tender moments blossoming into slow and steady smiles. David Hemingson’s script is smart and unwilling to devolve into cheap life lessons or impractical laughs.

The story uncorks some “eat the rich” broadsides, including how young men avoided the draft through family ties. The moments aren’t as elegant as the rest of the material, but Payne and Hemingson don’t dwell on the observations, either.

FAST FACT: Paul Giamatti pursued animation briefly before the acting bug took over, according to an interview with NJ.com. “After graduation, I moved to Seattle thinking I would — oh, I don’t know what in hell I was thinking,” he says. “Get into animation, I guess — although, wow, just put a bullet in your head, there’s a really hard way to make a living.”

Giamatti is sensational, of course. Paul may feel like someone we’ve seen before, but the “Sideways” alum grants him a humanity that’s appealing yet sour. His character emits a steady odor that, combined with his crusty mien, keeps the world at arm’s length.

Stand back. Far back. It’s one more element that isolates him from the world, a place where he’s told himself he’s content to stay.

Sessa, making his big-screen debut, avoids the troublesome lad cliches inherent in the part. Angus is both self-loathing and likable, and by the third act you’re fully invested in his plight.

Randolph, the third member of the awkward trio, brings a quiet dignity to the performance that’s heartbreaking at select moments.

Films like “The Holdovers” often end without a resolution, their narratives unwilling to provide a pat finale. Here, we’ve treated to a conflict that not only puts a bow on the story but offers a semblance of hope and renewal.

Welcome back, Alexander Payne.

HiT or Miss: “The Holdovers” delivers an adult drama brimming with wisdom, smiles and the occasional sour note. Just like life.

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Scarlett Johansson won’t name check this genre film should she ever win an Academy Award. The “Avengers” star snagged an early paycheck via...

Scarlett Johansson won’t name check this genre film should she ever win an Academy Award.

The “Avengers” star snagged an early paycheck via “Eight-Legged Freaks,” a horror comedy that cast the future star in a supporting role.

The film’s lead is “Ready to Rumble’s” David Arquette, an ordinary Joe pressed into saving his town from an arachnid invasion.

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Arquette plays a man whose return home is interrupted by those super-sized spiders. The critters nibbled on crickets dipped in toxic waste, and before you can say, “’50s movie homage” the townsfolk are running for their lives.

The film’s spiders come courtesy of slick CGI effects, lending the film an unexpected sheen. That, plus the crisp direction of first-time helmer Ellory Elkayem, fires up “Freaks” without resorting to R-rated theatrics.

Even better?

Arquette, hardly Hollywood’s idea of a heroic lead, acquits himself nicely in that unexpected role. He’s given stable support from co-stars Johansson, Kari Wuhrer and Doug E. Doug as the local conspiracy monger.

“Eight-Legged Freaks” earned a not-terrible $17 million at the U.S. box office, but it’s been bouncing across various streaming platforms ever since.

Seen today, it’s the perfect movie for a mindless Saturday afternoon or a Halloween night without gore, nudity or too much cussin’.

Arquette made the film under difficult circumstances. His father had recently died, forcing him to bury his grief and commit to playing the hero alongside Wuhrer of “Remote Control” fame.

The actor shared a snippet about the film’s extensive effects work, along with one inexpensive part of the production, with the media. The oversized spiders came courtesy of CGI trickery, but the critters’ gooey innerds were made of apple sauce spiked with green dye.

31 Days of Horror:

 

 

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Martin Scorsese’s “Killers of the Flower Moon” is unlike any film the director has ever made before, though you could pull “The Age of Innoc...

Martin Scorsese’s “Killers of the Flower Moon” is unlike any film the director has ever made before, though you could pull “The Age of Innocence” (1993) as a possible reference.

Both are historical dramas that recreate a world that no longer exists or is even remotely recognizable.

Then again, you also have another Leonardo DiCaprio collaboration in which the actor, one of the greatest of my generation, is once again playing a lead character who is fascinating and layered but in no way likable.

Combine this with Robert De Niro in a supporting role, collaborating with DiCaprio for the first time since their electric “This Boy’s Life” (1993) 30 years earlier. The overall result isn’t always easy to watch or seamless but still emerges an engrossing, essential work from a master filmmaker.

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Set in Oklahoma of the 1920s, where the Osage people lived in wealth and powerful oil barons were everywhere, DiCaprio plays Ernest Burkhart, a former WWI soldier who is working for his uncle, a powerful, charismatic figure who is referred to as “King” (played by De Niro).

Ernest works as a chauffeur, meets, and instantly falls in love, with Mollie (played by Lily Gladstone), who is aware that Ernest’s affections are likely due to how rich she is; Ernest insists that he is in love with her and the two quickly marry.

As the Burkhart’s family extends, a large number of murders pile up, all involving members of the Osage tribe (and Mollie’s immediate family) dying of mysterious circumstances. A spot-on comparison to the Tulsa City Massacre is made.

DiCaprio has been cast as a vulnerable and stupid man, sporting a gravely vocal cadence, similar to Billy Bob Thornton in “Sling Blade” (1996). It’s a bold decision, unless you consider that, “Gangs of New York” (2002) into present day, Scorsese has never cast the former “Titanic” star as a character that was easy to like or even understand.

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I can’t remember the last time De Niro truly frightened me in a movie (maybe it was “The Fan” in ’96) but he pulls it off here. The actor, who has appeared in far too many throwaway vehicles and subpar comedies post-Fockers, still has the fire, dedication, and commitment to acting excellence you’d expect and hope from him. I really hated “King” but his unflinching ability to lie and slither towards a single-minded purpose made me fearful of him, too.

Gladstone’s Mollie is the heart and center of the film, as it should be. Her performance is extraordinary but seems so effortless, the sign of a tremendous performer. The supporting casts is full of unknowns giving vivid character turns and old pros like John Lithgow and Brendan Fraser giving knockout cameos.

The wonderful, percussive score by the late Robbie Robertson, the sharp edits from the eternally gifted Thelma Schoonmaker and the vast landscapes captured by cinematographer Rodrigo Prieto are all Oscar worthy.

“Killers of the Flower Moon” is famously a film that has been gestating for years, as the original filming schedule was delayed due to the covid outbreak. Once the film completed shooting, years went by while Scorsese shaped his work.

RELATED: ‘COLOR OF MONEY’ LET SCORSESE GO HOLLYWOOD

Perhaps the most noteworthy creative decision was to alter the original narrative plan, which would have made Ernest and Mollie supporting characters, while a heroic federal agent (originally to be played by DiCaprio, eventually portrayed by Jesse Plemons) investigated the murders.

That’s fine, except we already have “Thunderheart” (1992) and don’t need the period piece equivalent.

What Scorsese and his crew have accomplished here was much tougher – instead of making this a police procedural, you have a character-driven story of how lying and hypocritical outsiders shared the same environment with indigenous people and succumbed to their greed and murderous tendencies.

Outside of the Osage people, it’s hard to deem any of the characters the protagonist, which is what makes this a Scorsese film.

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This is the deepest, angriest, richest and most risk-taking American movie I’ve seen about the suffering of Native Americans since Chris Eyre’s “Skins” (2002). Watching “Killers of the Flower Moon” and “Skins” back-to-back would make for an enlightening and tremendously affecting double feature.

Is “Killers of the Flower Moon” long? Of course, it is, as three and a half hours is a lot of movie. Is it too long? Nope.

The current ongoing discussion over whether an Intermission should have been a part of the film’s design (and not a well-intentioned act of contractual rebellion on the part of movie theater owners) is valid. However, the idea of an Intermission is such a 20th century concept that could presumably confuse some (wait, we can go to the bathroom, or do we just sit here?).

I still remember the “Planet Terror” portion of the wonderful “Grindhouse” (2007) concluding and audiences getting up to leave, as the double feature angle was lost on many. Perhaps encouraging audiences to “binge watch” is the only real option?

In full disclosure, this is the first Scorsese film with so many supporting characters and side villains, I did have some difficulty keeping track of who everyone is. There is a repetition to the second act, particularly in the obviously ominous presence of a drug that needs to be administered by needle. Some of “Killers of the Flower Moon” moseys along, but by the third act, the film is at a full gallop.

RELATED: SCORSESE’S ‘CAPE FEAR TRUMPS ORIGINAL

Much has been made of a “spanking” scene but the media attention to the moment is overstated. Far better is what is, outside of “Labyrinth” (1986), my favorite repeated use of an owl as a storytelling device. There’s also a scene in which a character mourns alone in a prison cell, while another character prays for him in the cell across from him – I can’t get into the specifics of the scene without spoilers but will say that it’s as painful to witness as anything I’ve seen from Scorsese and another nuanced character moment.

What to make of the final scene, in which the setting, period and even the storytelling device has radically changed? I liked it and it remined me of the ending of Spike Lee’s “Malcolm X” (1992), in the way its overstuffed but welcome and enormously heartfelt.

If this winds up being Scorsese’s final film, then that closer is going to hit even harder over time.

There is guilt in the film’s conscious and, clearly, Scorsese did his research. He also shapes another Wages of Sin drama, in which the good are punished and the evil are ultimately doomed. While deemed a Western, “Killers of the Flower Moon” is more a meditation on systemic corruption than a cowboy shoot ‘em up.

The material is so harrowing and drenched in historical sadness, and the running time is so demanding, this is a hard one to casually recommend. However, a handful of Scorsese’s films, ranging from “Silence,” his masterpiece, to “The Last Temptation of Christ” (1988) to “Kundun” (1997) and “The King of Comedy” (1983) are as out-of-character as they are unmissable.

Scorsese has never made the same film twice, which is why his gangster films are disconnected but distinct and personable. His latest is like a gangster film, really, in that it shows how the wrong people had a firm hand in shaping a rotten part of human history.

Like most of his incomparable body of work, I will be seeing this again, many times.

Three and a Half Stars

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Dwight H. Little’s “Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers” gives us the title card of “October 30th, 1988” before the opening credits eve...

Dwight H. Little’s “Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers” gives us the title card of “October 30th, 1988” before the opening credits even begin and quickly announces that the film’s star isn’t simply Donald Pleasance but The Shape himself.

Myers was absent from the once despised, now more appreciated “Halloween III: Season of the Witch” (1983), which has become the reappraised cult favorite of this franchise.

In the late ’80s, however, “Season of the Witch” was perceived as a middle finger to the fanbase (as opposed to a radical shift of format). The fans wanted Myers back, as well as Pleasance’s Dr. Loomis, the shudder-inducing theme music from John Carpenter and (eventually) Jamie Lee Curtis’ Laurie Strode.

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The fourth “Halloween” was announced as a return to form and, for the most part, delivers on that promise. Little’s film arrived deep into the slasher movie cycle – Freddy was four movies in, Jason was on installment number seven, Norman Bates had three movies and Chucky was debuting the same year.

In “Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers,” The Shape has survived and is ascending on Haddonfield, Illinois, and so has Dr, Loomis, both scarred from the explosion at the end of “Halloween II” (1981).

Now, Myers is drawn to his niece, Jamie (Danielle Harris, in her film debut), whose mother is the late Laurie Strode (Curtis, seen only in a photograph). Jamie lives under the protection of her foster family, particularly Rachel (an appealing Ellie Cornell) who acts as an older sister.

Once Myers shows up, it seems that no one can protect Jamie, or even stay alive long enough to try.

FAST FACT: “Halloween 4” hardly rocked the box office back in 1988. The film earned $17 million in U.S. theaters, but that figure tripled its $5 million budget. The previous sequel, which deviated from the Michael Myers storyline, earned $14 million in 1982. 

Little’s 1988 film was the best of this era of the series, where Strode was absent (due to Curtis’ newfound career as an in-demand comedic actress) and Jamie and Loomis provided the human center. Some of this can feel mechanical and needlessly gory (clearly the lessons of “Season of the Witch” weren’t entirely taken into consideration).

Helping things a great deal is how strong Harris is – this is an exceptional performance for someone so young. Pleasance still gives his role his all, but Harris’ work cuts the deepest.

Logic comes and goes on a scene-to-scene basis, such as how Myers can survive just about anything and, despite being under wraps for a decade, can drive like a Hollywood stuntman.

The level of gore leans into the genre’s expectations and goes further than Carpenter would have a decade earlier. Nevertheless, Little’s film is mean, scary and suspenseful.

This is the strongest of the three Loomis/Jamie episodes, as the following “Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers” (1989) and “Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers” (1995) ended up, at best, interesting failures.

This is the best film from Little, who later directed the ambitious Robert Englund-led “Phantom of the Opera” (1989), the Steven Seagal vs. killer Jamaicans bonce cruncher “Marked For Death” (1990) and Brandon Lee’s first starring vehicle, the middle of the road “Rapid Fire” (1992).

Little’s approach to a Halloween movie results in a different look from Carpenter (Walter Hill collaborator Ric Waite is skillful but misses the color schemes of original cinematographer Dean Cundey).

Yet, even though it screws up by not opening with a pumpkin carving montage (!) and includes a mob of rednecks taking on Myers (!!), Little’s film is atmospheric and tells its pulpy tale well.

A third act stalk n’ slash leads to a gripping rooftop chase, then a mechanical car chase and into a mine shaft tumble that never felt like much of a climax. Just when you think “Halloween 4” is wrapping up, we get its true legacy – a final scene that is so punishing, jolting and truly shattering, it rejuvenates the entire film.

In fact, the powerful closing moment is so good, the lesser subsequent sequels avoided addressing it altogether. No matter, as this unforgettable closing shot is not only the ace up the film’s sleeve but a perfect full-circle moment for the franchise.

Little didn’t just reverse the reception of “Halloween III” but concluded a better-than expected sequel with the kind of shock that matches the terror of Carpenter’s original.

Bravo.

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The list of sequels that lapped the originals teems with prime examples. “The Godfather: Part II” “The Empire Strikes Back” “The Dark Kn...

The list of sequels that lapped the originals teems with prime examples.

  • “The Godfather: Part II”
  • “The Empire Strikes Back”
  • “The Dark Knight”
  • “Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan”

“Dead Snow 2: Red vs. Dead” deserves a place on that list, even though it’s not as beloved as those screen classics. But it has far more exposed intestines, no doubt.

The 2014 sequel to “Dead Snow” finds a better balance between horror and comedy. Plus, a bigger budget let the creative team run wild.

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This time, a team of idealistic Americans join the fun as amateur zombie hunters. They have their hands full as the Nazi goons from the first film aren’t done yet. The “Red” in the title refers to Russian zombies who join the splatter-filled mayhem, a bizarre rematch from World War II.

Plus, the survivor of the original “Dead Snow” (Vegar Hoel) is back, but the arm he severed to save himself from zombie poison has been replaced with a Nazi’s limb.

And it’s as evil as you imagine.

Director Tommy Wirkola returns for a sequel which ladles on the comical gore, and the addition of the hapless Americans makes for a giddy treat. 

Wirkola leaned on MMA fighters to portray the various zombies in the film, and their unique backgrounds aligned with the film’s comic spirit to perfection.

One thing we found on the first one with the extras is that it can be hard to get them to do cool stuff at times. But these guys—these guys were just insane. They’re so buff and crazy! They had a great mentality for fighting. You could get them to do crazy stuff as zombies.

31 Days of Horror:

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Rural America takes its lumps from Hollywood, Inc. Comedians roast this slab of the country ruthlessly. Films and TV shows often do the sam...

Rural America takes its lumps from Hollywood, Inc.

Comedians roast this slab of the country ruthlessly. Films and TV shows often do the same, think “Deliverance” and TLC’s “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.”

“The Beverly Hillbillies,” anyone?

“Tucker & Dale vs. Evil” does just the opposite.

The film upends cultural cliches, allowing self-acknowledged hillbillies a chance to prove their mettle against a gang of city slickers. It’s a sly horror-comedy with teeth and heart.

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Alan Tudyk and Tyler Labine play the title characters, plainspoken souls who make the most of their modest dreams. All they want is to spend time in their vacation retreat, a cabin coated with cobwebs and dust, and sneak some fishing in between house cleaning.

A chance encounter with some college students interrupts their merriment. Each side thinks the worst of the other, and before long people are accidentally dying.

Guess who gets the blame?

Katrina Bowden of “30 Rock” fame plays the one city slicker with a heart big enough to let Dale in. The rest? Well, they’re either cowardly or cruel, dismissive of anyone outside their cultural norms.

You could argue the moral lessons within “Tucker & Dale vs. Evil” apply to any persecuted group, but the film is having too much fun to get on a soap box.

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The laughs are small but meaningful, and while the third act needs some trimming the film moves at a zany clip.

Labine, one of the bright spots of the “Fantastic Beasts” franchise, makes Dale’s self-worth issues stick. Tudyk plays the straight man, eager to boost his friend’s spirits no matter the events in play.

Tudyk liked the script from the jump, but he worried the project might not be able to manage the delicate comedy-horror hybrid given the story’s complexity.

The “Firefly” alum said writer/director Eli Craig pulled it off.

I kept thinking, this won’t work, [Craig] won’t be able to keep all these balls in the air, he’s not going to be able to maintain this. But he did, and that’s exciting to me, something new and hard to pull off.

31 Days of Horror:

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“Pumpkinhead” (1988) is the directorial debut of Stan Winston , a giant in the special effects field. Anyone who grew up reading Starlog an...

“Pumpkinhead” (1988) is the directorial debut of Stan Winston, a giant in the special effects field.

Anyone who grew up reading Starlog and Cinefantastique, subscribed to Bantha Tracks or absorbed any televised special regarding the making of “Star Wars” knows Winston is a rock star among make-up artists.

The opening scene of “Pumpkinhead” is set in 1957, as the citizens of a small country town know to lock their doors, keep a shotgun handy and wait until the night passes. Why? Because a town member has committed a crime, and someone has summoned an unholy monster to kill him.

The understanding is that no one interferes with the creature, who carries out an unremorseful death sentence for anyone who brings him to life.

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A small boy who witnesses this firsthand grows up to be Harley, played by Lance Henriksen. Harley is a single father who runs a small stand on the side of the road. The love Harley feels for his son, Billy (an adorable Matthew Harley, giving a very-Jonathan Lipnicki-esque performance) is understandable. So is his horror at a tragedy that occurs, inspiring Harley to summon the monster who encountered in his youth for revenge.

The sad incident that pushes the plot in motion is handled well and gives the audience the emotional cues it needs. Like the dog in “John Wick” (2014), the cruel, sudden loss in Harley’s life absolutely must be avenged.

We get it.

Most of the main characters are poor country bumpkins and the film has no contempt for them whatsoever; the rich, arrogant teens who enter town are clearly the villains and Winston is wise to not align them with the film’s target audience.

This is not the kind of movie where you want the dumb teens to survive, despite how awful their fates will be. “Pumpkinhead” is about a generational evil, a local secret that is unearthed in moments of great loss and grief.

FAST FACT: Director James Cameron initially considered Lance Henriksen for the main role in 1984’s “The Terminator,” a part that eventually went to Arnold Schwarzenegger.

“Pumpkinhead” actually plays like a precursor to “Pet Sematary” (1989), which arrived the following year. Both films are about how a father’s love and desperation to put things right in the face of death become his undoing.

Henriksen, two years removed from “Aliens” (1986) is excellent here. We root for Harley, even as we see his decision to turn to supernatural evil for vengeance will lead to an inner rot.

Buck Flower is perfect in this (he also stole his scenes in “John Carpenter’s They Live” the same year) and Florence Schauffer is unsettling as Haggis, the witch who knows how to activate Pumpkinhead. Amazingly, this is all based on a poem by Ed Justin.

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I met Henriksen briefly at the 2004 Denver Starfest, where he was in town to promote “AVP: Alien Vs. Predator” (2004). Henricksen gave a great Q&A with a packed audience, then signed one sheets for the film in the lobby.

While Henriksen signed my poster, I quickly told him how much I loved his performance in “Pumpkinhead.” He flashed me a big grin and said, “Oh yeah! That’s a good one! Stan Winston did that one!” He was very nice, and it was satisfying to see the mention of “Pumpkinhead” brought back some good memories.

The film itself is bleak and compelling, a great creature feature and a sad portrait of a father broken by loss.

There’s a Be Careful What You Wish For cautionary tale at the heart of this, not unlike W.W. Jacob’s “The Monkey’s Paw.” Harley’s initial act of vengeance becomes an act of destruction he cannot contain.

Winston makes this a stylishly lit, tight and moody horror film. The film’s poster sported a tag line declaring, “A Grim Fairy Tale.” The staging often suggests, indeed, a fairy tale.

There’s a down and dirty quality that resonates: if revenge can take the form of an unstoppable creature that will absolutely terminate anyone you tell it to, would you conscionably manifest such a creature?

Winston’s film demonstrates why this is such a terrible idea to make a reality but not before Pumpkinhead punishes those who crossed the wrong man.

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“The Human Centipede” trilogy gets a bad rap, and it’s partially earned. The second installment lost its creative spark in the third act, a...

“The Human Centipede” trilogy gets a bad rap, and it’s partially earned.

The second installment lost its creative spark in the third act, and the threequel pushed outrage above all else.

The original deserves credit for both originality and chutzpah, two factors that didn’t win over many critics. The irony? The concept behind the trilogy remains haunting, but the first film shows much less than you remember.

Phew.

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Two attractive tourists (Winter Williams, Ashlynn Yennie) get a flat tire en route to a party in Germany. Their luck gets worse when they knock on the door of Dr. Josef Heiter (Dieter Laser) for help. They can’t get any cell service, and they’d like to use his land line.

The not-so-good doctor drugs them instead, eager for patients to take part in his mad experiment. He wants to surgically attach several people, mouth to anus, to form the titular creature.

The rest is horror movie history, and a divisive legacy to boot.

The first “Centipede” offers a delirious turn by Laser, alternately creepy and beguiling. He’s dedicated to the ghoulish task at hand, and he provides the film with an indelible monster.

The story is hopelessly bleak, but there’s a whiff of humanity at its core. Survival. Fear. The need for revenge. They’re all wrapped in a shockingly tart package few filmmakers have managed to top since its 2009 release.

Writer/director Tom Six says the inspiration for the first movie came from a crude joke he often shared with friends.

“I always make this little sick joke to friends [about] a child molester. I said they should stitch his mouth to the ass of a very fat truck driver. That would be good punishment for him. Everybody says that idea is so horrible. And I thought yeah it is a horrible idea and it might be a great idea for a horror film.”

The second film in the trilogy earned Six some unwanted attention.

The film was refused DVD classification by the BBFC last week on the grounds that “harm is likely to be caused to potential viewers”. According to their ruling, the sequel’s “graphic images of sexual violence, forced defecation and mutilation”, and the fact that “the viewer is invited to witness events from the perspective of the protagonist”, opens up the possibility that the film could “deprave or corrupt a significant proportion of those likely to see [it]”.

31 Days of Horror:

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When we meet Kea (Danielle Zalopany) in “Waikiki,” she’s working as a singer in a karaoke bar, living in her van and broke. Her ex shows up...

When we meet Kea (Danielle Zalopany) in “Waikiki,” she’s working as a singer in a karaoke bar, living in her van and broke.

Her ex shows up during her shift and is furious about her working in a place filled with sleazy patrons. Not long after, Kea drives off and makes a terrible mistake. In the aftermath of this event (which I won’t spoil), her awareness of those around her, her cultural pride and her survival instincts are heightened, even as her personal life and safety become uncertain.

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Christopher Kahunahana’s “Waikiki” is a tough, confident and forceful plea for understanding, particularly for those who are homeless and devoid of hope. Kahunahana, who wrote, directed and produced “Waikiki,” has made a gritty, unpredictable drama in which nothing feels inevitable.

Here is an uncompromising, highly-profane work that takes its audience on a journey that will challenge them. I first saw “Waikiki” at the 40th Annual Hawaii International Film Festival in 2020 and can’t wait to experience it again.

This is unlike most films made on Oahu, certainly the ones that are about the island itself. In Kahunahana’s hands, Waikiki is akin to Las Vegas, a rundown haven for tourists and a place of fading buildings and broken hearts for those who live there.

It’s refreshing to see a locally-made, independent film that feels as personal and outside of the norm as this one. While stylish, with a number of scenes that offer dream-like imagery, there’s no whimsy, comic relief or handholding, either.

While I was always enticed by Kea’s journey, at no point does the screenplay tip its hat and tell us that everything is going to be all right. What the film is asking of us is to be conscious of those around us who are hurting and to not look away.

The director is a major talent – keep your eye on him. His team is full of discoveries.

Zalopany is excellent – her performance is the aching heart of the film. She has a disarming smile that we don’t see often. Rather, it’s her deeply expressive eyes that are forefront in her performance.

There’s a rawness to her work and shaping of Kea that made me marvel at her abilities. She’s in every scene and the experience must have been draining.

Playing the character of Wo, Peter Shinkoda does so much giving a nearly dialog-free performance; his scenes with Zalopany, in which Kea’s empathy builds as her world crumbles around her, are deeply affecting.

Brandon, played by Jason Quinn, is a crucial character and a window into Kea’s current state of being; Quinn makes the character alternate between reasonable and ferocious. It’s another example of an actor who leaves a strong impact.

For a low-budget film, there’s nothing amateurish or forced. Every scene has an emotional weight and concludes leaving a mark. The cinematography is by Ryan Miyamoto and lenses the film in way both demonstratively striking and quietly observant. There are a number of lovely aerial shots, serene and quiet, that contrast the pain and struggle taking place below.

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There are haunting images here that will never leave me: one is a gorgeous, recurring scene of young Kea and her Grandma, sitting in the ocean. The other is a galvanizing scene where an angry father punches a hole in the wall and the camera peers inside the hole, showing us a frightened child being comforted by a grandmother on the other side of the wall.

A ringing payphone is a taunting audio reminder for Kea, a touch that (like several scenes here) has varying interpretations with repeat viewings.

“Waikiki” is not mawkish or remotely formulaic in the way it depicts Hawaii’s homeless men and women. If this doesn’t sound like a “fun” movie, it’s because it isn’t and doesn’t have to be. The artistry on display and the filmmaker’s ability to pull off such a challenging work of total immediacy are cause for celebration.

The overall point of the film can be taken in a single line of dialog, in which a homeless character proclaims, “Show me some f—–g sympathy…and Aloha.”

Four Stars

“Waikiki” opens in New York, Miami, and California (L.A. and Long Beach) on Oct. 27th and expands to Maui, Oahu, and Hawai’i on Nov. 3rd.

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Hollywood finally cracked the code on video game adaptations. Gone are the days when John Leguizamo and Bob Hoskins embarrassed themselves,...

Hollywood finally cracked the code on video game adaptations.

Gone are the days when John Leguizamo and Bob Hoskins embarrassed themselves, and us, as those wacky plumbers circa 1993.

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Films like “Free Guy,” “The Super Mario Bros. Movie” and “Uncharted” delivered at the box office by using the source material as a guide, not a crutch.

“Five Nights at Freddy’s” is a big step backwards.

The movie based on the enduring video game smash tries to be a standard-issue horror while also genuflecting to the fans.

The result? Neither camp will be satisfied.

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Josh Hutcherson gets the thankless role of Mike, the security guard assigned to the creepy Chuck E. Cheese-like shop at the heart of the game/story.

He’s responsible for his young sister, Abby (Piper Rubio), but he’s struggling to find a good-paying job.

A sleazy counselor (Matthew Lillard of “Scream” fame) steers Mike to Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza, an abandoned playhouse where animatronic beasts once entertained the public. The place is deserted, so it’s Mike’s job to ensure no one breaks in and trashes the joint.

Easy money, right?

What if those critters came to life and had an appetite for destruction?

“Freddy’s” sets Scott Cawthon’s video game elements in motion, but we’re given an extensive backstory of Mike’s grief over losing his brother at an early age. We also meet his Aunt Jane (Mary Stuart Masterson), eager to snatch custody of his sister from him.

Heady stuff, no? Why, it’s like the folks behind the film missed a chance to lean into the film’s wacky premise. 

Except that’s not completely true.

The second and third acts reveal some of the game’s campier elements, none of which can be accused of being, you know, scary.

That matters, right?

 

 
 
 
 
 
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The animatronic beasts are rendered with the appropriate F/X nuance, but director Emma Tammi (“The Wind”) can’t make their presence creepy or satisfying. Plus, a mid-movie twist makes them even less threatening, if that’s possible.

We get one visual shock worth our while, a shadowy kill that doesn’t betray the film’s PG:13 rating.

The story introduces a local police officer named Vanessa (Elizabeth Lail) who bonds with Mike during his stay at Freddy’s. Is this a possible romance or just a way to add to the potential body count?

This cop has a secret, but the Mike / Vanessa pairing produces few sparks.

It all leaves “Five Nights as Freddy’s” irredeemably dull, something few would say about the source material. And the robots exhibit little in the way of personality, meaning we’re stuck with multiple beasts that move and act the same.

The one wrinkle? A pumpkin-like creature which looks cute enough until it pounces.

Yawn.

The screenplay, credited to Tammi along with Scott Cawthon and Seth Cuddeback, delivers some warm chuckles. Young Rubio’s sweet performance is another plus, raising the stakes at critical times.

Those moments get smothered by Mike’s dream-like visions that may or may not offer clues to the horrors awaiting him.

The film appears to be set in the 1990s, a distinction which offers little texture to the proceedings. We also get a few ’80s song staples, but that retro blast hardly makes it a “Wedding Singer”-style affair.

“Freddy’s” is a Halloween-themed release that’s more trick than treat.

HiT or Miss: “Five Nights at Freddy’s” can’t capture the frantic glee of the video game source material.

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Horror anthologies are all the rage, from the “V/H/S” series to the classic “Creepshow” template. In 1975, actress Karen Black headlined a...

Horror anthologies are all the rage, from the “V/H/S” series to the classic “Creepshow” template.

In 1975, actress Karen Black headlined a “Trilogy of Terror” that predated the trend. The TV movie did more than that.

It introduced us to a Zuni fetish doll which became a horror institution.

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Few folks discuss the first two segments of Black’s “Trilogy,” all of which sprang from the mind of author Richard Matheson. The first follows Black’s character, a lonely college professor, as she navigates a tumultuous date with one of her students.

The second gives Black two roles. She plays squabbling sisters with murder on their minds.

The third and final segment, “Amelia,” is the corker. The screenplay, actually penned by Matheson, follows a woman spending a quiet evening in her big-city apartment. She’s frustrated by a heated call with her controlling mother, and she opts to cancel a date with her beau for some solitude.

That means she can’t had her boyfriend his birthday gift, a Zuni fetish doll armed with a spear and necklace. The latter item, she’s told, is meant to keep the creature’s spirit in check.

So guess what falls off mid-segment?

The ensuing battle may be limited by the era’s special effects, but the effective edits and glorious sound design more than make up for those issues.

The power of that segment has made “Trilogy of Terror” a Halloween cult classic. And for very good reasons.

Black, who died in 2013, once told an interviewer how she helped shaped the now-iconic segment. Not only did she create dialogue on the fly she also shaped the look of the film’s final moments.

I also thought in order to look more like the doll at the end, I should have these little sharp teeth. The director, Dan, said that would look really silly and over done. But he said we’ll make them and see how they look. So the teeth were my idea. And then, when we shot it I put on the make-up that darkened my eyes to show there was a change in her.

31 Days of Horror:

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TV-based horror evokes images from “Dark Shadows” and its cartoonishly bad effects. The medium struggled to scare us for generations, with ...

TV-based horror evokes images from “Dark Shadows” and its cartoonishly bad effects.

The medium struggled to scare us for generations, with only a few notable exceptions. “The Night Stalker,” for example, had its moments. TV’s “It” miniseries featuring Tim Curry also outkicked the coverage, in genre terms.

Add “Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark” to that microscopically small list.

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Kim Darby stars as Sally, a married woman who inherits an old home as the movie opens. The house’s basement-level fireplace has been aggressively sealed with bricks, per her late grandmother’s instructions.

Sally tries to pry the bricks free without much luck. Instead, she unbolts a metal door near the closed-off opening where she can access the fireplace’s ashes.

She inadvertently frees a group of nasty little demons who apparently have been trapped within the home for some time. The buggers quickly set their sights on attacking Sally, a game of cat and mouse with chilling consequences.

Yes, that’s Uncle Charley (AKA William Demarest) as the handyman who warns Sally about unsealing the fireplace.

The special effects are as clunky as anything from the early 1970s, but the creatures’ faces prove haunting all the same. Their whispery voices – ‘Sally, we waaaaaant you” – suggest she’s in for the fight of her life.

The made-for-TV production is only 80 or so minutes long, but it packs plenty of unsettling moments in that tight time span. Darby is effective as a woman who slowly realizes the evil forces pursuing her, and the film’s ending isn’t easily forgotten.

Guillermo del Toro co-wrote the 2010 remake, a film with flashier effects and few reasons to recommend it.

The original “Dark?” It’s a Halloween treat suitable for pre-teens eager for their first horror movie experience.

31 Days of Horror:

 

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Lyndsey Anderson Beer’s “Pet Sematary: Bloodlines” has an ambitious idea for a prequel and a rich atmosphere to carry it for a while. It’s ...

Lyndsey Anderson Beer’s “Pet Sematary: Bloodlines” has an ambitious idea for a prequel and a rich atmosphere to carry it for a while.

It’s also worth noting that the film begins and ends with the iconic line “Sometimes Dead is Better.” When you have to hit that line twice, you know your horror prequel is working too hard to make the basics work.

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The time is now 1969 and young Jud Crandall (Jackson White) is planning to leave Ludlow, Maine behind him for good. Jud and his girlfriend Norma (Natalie Alyn Lind) have made a point to tell everyone in town they’re joining the Peace Corps.

They only get a mile down the road (or, as this is Stephen King’s Maine, its pronounced “the rud”) when an auto accident stalls them. There’s also the reveal that a dog and local homeowner have been acting strangely since the reappearance of a son who served in the Vietnam war.

Lots of undead shenanigans follow.

Stephen King’s 1983 novel “Pet Sematary” was a big deal for me. It was the first thick novel of exceptional length I ever read. It also gave me nightmares that lasted for, well, probably years.

Updating W.W. Jacob’s “The Monkey’s Paw” to modern day and having a small child as the embodiment of evil shook me up. As a father, I still find that story so disturbing and fascinating.

The arrival of the 1989 film adaptation also kept me up at night. Director Mary Lambert didn’t water down King’s faithful screenplay – in fact, she made a hall of fame blockbuster, a cruel, unflinching horror film that never makes those scariest movies of all time lists but should.

Even the layered, wonderful turn by Fred Gwynne as Crandall (as the definitive east coast bumpkin) didn’t soften it. Lambert (who famously took over for George A. Romero) made a real freakshow that put most of the other mainstream horror movie offering of the 1980s to shame.

No such luck with the awful “Pet Sematary Two” (1992), which upped the gore, morbid humor and ghoulishness, but lost all of the heart and human center of the original.

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On the other hand, the 2019 “Pet Sematary” remake, directed by Kevin Kolsch and Dennis Widmyer, altered King’s third act (a controversial choice that irritated some fans of the novel) but hit just as hard as Lambert’s film.

The lead actors were better cast, though the debate continues over whether John Lithgow’s harder-edged spin on Crandall was as good as Gwynne’s far more moving take on the role (actually, the two gave different, equally valuable portrayals of a character that could have come across as a plot device in lesser hands).

The 2019 “Pet Sematary,” alongside the 2017 “It: Chapter One” and the 2007 “The Mist,” are among the best, hardest hitting of the recent King film adaptations.

Making Crandall the lead of a “Pet Sematary” prequel was an inspired idea, except White is just serviceable in the role and you never get the feeling that this younger iteration will grow up to look like either Gwynne or Lithgow.

An edgy twist on Jud and Norma’s characters comes up in the recent “Pet Sematary” (and King’s novel) that this movie is presumably waiting to use in another prequel installment.

Setting the story during the early days of the Vietnam war and the Draft adds a true feeling of dread to the first act. So does the scene where Jud and Norma follow a seemingly possessed dog back to its home. Then we get to the first of several poorly staged animal attacks along with forced jump scares and sleepy performances.

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It’s puzzling to see Henry Thomas, Pam Grier, Samantha Mathis and David Duchovny in supporting turns, not only because of their stature but due to how their characters and performances are so much more interesting than the leads.

The feral, unhuman quality of those buried and reborn from the Pet Sematary were never more disturbing than in Lambert’s film. Since then, these verbally unkind zombies speak too often and do too much. Having adults turning adults into zombie creatures isn’t anywhere near as harrowing as having it done to a child, which is why the 1989 and 2019 “Pet Sematary” will likely never be matched in how shudder-inducing they are.

The best complement I can give Beer’s film is that, even as it stumbles, this is still worlds better than the vile, nearly unwatchable “Pet Sematary Two.” A few moments connect (like a sequence where a character is buried alive) but this what the late, great Denver movie critic Reggie McDaniel used to call a standard “stalk n’ slash/smash n’ bash.”

I suspect Reggie would agree with me that, once the initial adaptations become a movie franchise and ventured outside of the Creed family, the Pet Sematary follow ups lost their bite.

The real horror here is watching Thomas, Grier, Mathis and Duchovny get wasted in a horror yarn that uses them for exposition and little else.

Oh, the horror.

One and a half Stars

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“The Blair Witch Project” left an indelible mark on the horror genre. That’s not a compliment. The 1999 film introduced Hollywood to the “...

“The Blair Witch Project” left an indelible mark on the horror genre.

That’s not a compliment.

The 1999 film introduced Hollywood to the “found-footage” gimmick, a way to tell horror stories at a dramatically reduced price point.

The technique proved a boon to indie filmmakers, years before tech advances made moviemaking less expensive. It still inspired a crush of lo-fi shockers that made us pine for tripods and dolly shots.

The genre is more or less dead today, and that’s good news. Still, the 2013 film “Willow Creek” proved how effective it could be in the right circumstances. And it took a “Police Academy” alum to prove that point.

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Comedian Bobcat Goldthwait’s film follows a couple seeking out the mysterious Bigfoot. He’s a filmmaker hoping to snag the ultimate coup — the big fella himself.

Or herself, perhaps?

She’s along for the ride, not knowing just how close they might get to the main attraction.

The dialogue, for once in a found-footage feature, doesn’t make you grind your teeth. Plus, we get to know the key players (Bryce Johnson and Alexie Gilmore make for a very believable couple). Goldthwait packs plenty of mischief along the way, examining Bigfoot culture as well as the couple in question.

The story holds together, in part, because we have a rooting interest in the main characters. That was no accident, according to the director.

That was one of the things that interested me in the movie. That you make these real people. That you empathize with them. In genre movies you usually not only hate the characters, you sometimes hate them so much that you hate the actors playing them.

Goldthwait, an uneven but interesting filmmaker, shot footage of Bigfoot believers and included them in his story. The comic-turned-filmmaker says he found inspiration from “Grizzly Man,” the acclaimed Werner Herzog documentary about a man with a profound love for bears.

31 Days of Horror:

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