“Mortal Kombat II” is pure torture for film critics.
How do you assess a movie that doesn’t play by the rules, offers an utterly confounding story and leaves actors scrambling for their dignity?
And, the most amazing part? What if it’s sorta, kinda fun in a way you couldn’t confide to even your closest friend?
That’s the challenge in briefing readers on this video game sequel, a film that never takes itself seriously but packages more supercharged fight sequences than any film not named “Wick.”
It’s silly. It’s a mess. It’s way too long. And it packs suitcases of guilty pleasures in its bloated running time.
Where to even begin with a traditional plot synopsis?
A sinister realm dubbed Outworld is intent on taking over Earthrealm. To do so, it gathers a team of high-powered warriors led by Emperor Shao Kahn (Martyn Ford) to defeat Earthrealm’s finest fighters. Think a Thanos-like villain who makes mincemeat of his enemies.
He seems pretty inevitable.
The good guys this time around include, inexplicably, a has-been movie star named Johnny Cage (Karl Urban). Why would he be one of the chosen ones to fight Shao Kahn and his forces?
Make it make sense. Good luck.
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Just know that Urban knows exactly how to play this absurd material, adding charisma and humor where it’s desperately needed.
His co-stars aren’t as fortunate, lacking the comic notes needed to ground their characters. Still, Adeline Rudolph does as much as humanly possible as the fierce Kitana, and both Jessica McNamee (Sonya Blade) and Mehcad Brooks (Jax) offer agreeable turns.
We’d also praise Josh Lawson’s Kano, a wisecracking warrior, but who in the world knows what he’s doing or why he’s here? Newbies will need to do some heavy research to fill in these backstories.
Then again, this franchise is meant for hardcore fans, not the casual filmgoer.
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Eager for cool kills? “Mortal Kombat II” has your back. Curious why one wounded warrior floats in a coma-like state, or why a washed-up film star should be summoned to save the world?
Darned if we know.
You’d think a two-hour film that offers nonstop character fights would grow dull, but one thing director Simon McQuaid gets right is how to make over-the-top slugfests pop.
Some warriors deploy fireballs, while others wield massive weapons. Either way, every battle sequence rocks, and thank goodness.
Because that’s all there is.
Urban’s addition to the franchise suggests he’ll be the main attraction. The story splits time between Johnny and Kitana. Neither is a bad choice, but the ensemble approach works against the film, making sure neither has much of an arc.
Video game movies aren’t meant to be high art, but the chaotic nature of “Mortal Kombat II” can leave some woozy. There’s talk of an important amulet, but that subplot feels insignificant in the big picture. Whatever moral ambiguity resides in Johnny’s call to heroism barely leaves a mark.
The sequel is akin to someone giving us a satchel of quarters and saying, “have fun!”
There are worse ways to spend two hours, but calling it a “movie” feels like a stretch.
HiT or Miss: “Mortal Kombat II” offers non-stop action, mind-numbing plot beats and a hero who doesn’t even know the meaning of the word.
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